


First Love / Late Spring

by theabsentmindedauthor



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, First Love, George's POV, Inspired by Music, Inspired by a Mitski Song, Internal Conflict, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Slow Burn, dreamnotfound
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:15:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29979996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theabsentmindedauthor/pseuds/theabsentmindedauthor
Summary: George knows this is stupid. Reckless.He usually has more control of himself, of his emotions. He takes pride in being a well-put-together individual, serious when he needs to be, easygoing and carefree when he feels it's right.But... this doesn't feel right. He doesn't feel like he has control anymore, and that scares him.(aka: george realizes he has to acknowledge his feelings and deals with the consequences)
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Kudos: 15





	First Love / Late Spring

**Author's Note:**

> big thanks to my pal ken for beta reading this for me!! (-:  
> it's been a work in progress for a while so i hope people enjoy it!  
> i'll probably end up making this many chapters long depending on reception and my own motivation hajskdhjkf

George knows this is stupid. Reckless.

He usually has more control of himself, of his emotions. He takes pride in being a well-put-together individual, serious when he needs to be, easygoing and carefree when he feels it's right.

But... this doesn't feel right. He doesn't feel like he has control anymore, and that scares him.

In all honesty, he never should've let it go this far in the first place.

It all started out as just admiration. Clay was a good guy. Funny. Talented. Likable. It was hard to  _ dislike _ him, really. But the closer they got, the more they talked, the more attention and affection he was given, the more intense that admiration became. Until it didn't feel like just admiration anymore.

Somewhere, somehow, it had turned to like. Not just platonically. Not as a close friend, as it should be. But more.

More, like George found himself flustered and warm every time Clay made a playful flirty comment. More, like he found himself lighting up whenever he got a text from him, eager to respond to whatever it was, whether it was some dumb meme or plans he had for a new video. Somewhere in the mess of all of this, something had shifted, and he can’t place exactly where, which only bothers him more. 

It wasn't normal. He didn't like it. The whole situation made him uneasy and anxious. So he did what any reasonable person would do, really. He ignored it. Bottled those feelings up and shoved them on a forgotten shelf in the back corner of his mind. He figured that he could eventually forget about them completely if he continued to avoid it. 

But he couldn’t avoid Clay. Outside of being close friends, they were practically coworkers, showing up in the majority of each other's videos and streams. So there was no way he could entirely remove Clay from his daily life. It’s not like he even  _ wanted _ to in the first place. He considered Clay to be his best friend, and as far as he knew, it was mutual. So you could understand why this feeling of ‘like’ was particularly problematic. They were both co-workers and best friends. There was no place for anything more. At least not this. 

They’ve known each other for years now and he had never even considered Clay as anything other than a friend for this entire time, not even in passing. They would make playful flirtatious comments, sure, but it was never more than that. Playful. Now he found his stomach turning any time his friend would even  _ compliment _ him. He felt foolish and completely helpless. It was so goddamn frustrating and yet there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

“George?”

Shit. “Uh- yeah?”

“Oh. I was just wondering if you were still there. You’ve been quiet.” Clay sounds almost concerned, and George mentally curses himself for letting his mind wander this far off track when he’s supposed to be working. 

“Yeah. Sorry. Just focused, you know?”

He hesitates for a moment, and George catalogs this as another one of the many times he regrets Clay knowing him so well. “...Alright. Good. I’m glad you’re getting into it. I wasn’t sure if this was something we would be able to do ourselves.”   
  


“Are you doubting my coding abilities Dream?” George chuckles, hoping he can cover the tension with their usual banter.

Clay laughs his stupid little laugh and George feels something in his stomach flutter. “No! No! I just-”

“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.” He smiles and sighs quietly to himself as he pulls his chair closer to his desk, looking back at his screen and the… very few lines of code he managed to type out before getting lost in thought. Was this really affecting his work now? Had these feelings really buried themselves that deep under his skin? He was mad at himself for letting it go this far.

“I was thinking maybe we could film about a week from now if we can get it done before then. Does that sound okay?”

George hums, nodding to himself. “Yeah, that should be fine. The mod is simple enough. I should be able to finish it up in the next couple of days.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“That’s a lot of work. If you have plans or something we can always just delay it. I still have some videos saved I haven’t posted yet.”

“It’s fine, Dream. Really.” He dismisses the concern politely. “I don’t have much going on. I’ve just been trying to focus on work lately.”   
  


“You sure? You’ve been offline pretty frequently for like... the past month. I thought you might’ve ditched me for a secret girlfriend or something.”

_ Shit _ . George cringes internally and laughs to cover it up. “No, don't be stupid.” He shakes his head. “Just… family stuff.” It’s not a complete lie. His family had complications as of late but they hadn't really gotten in the way of his usual schedule.

“Oh… I'm sorry dude, I didn't mean to pry. Anything I can do to help?” There's a softness to his voice that conveys just how serious he is. Clay had always been like this. A good friend, willing to help however he could no matter what that entailed. He had gotten George through some tough things in all seriousness, and he'd always be grateful for that.

“No, no. It's fine. Thank you though. Means a lot.”

“Of course.”

There’s a few moments of silence before Dream speaks again, thankfully shattering the tense atmosphere.

“So no secret girlfriend?”

George laughs for real this time, shaking his head and hiding his face in his hands. “No. No secret girlfriend.” He takes a breath, a smile still present on his face. “It’s not like I’m really able to go out and meet anyone during quarantine, and stuff is busy, y'know? I don't know if I'd have the time for something like that.”

Clay is still chuckling at his own joke, the smile evident in his voice. “I don't know, man. Love finds a way.”

Something in that seemingly casual statement shakes him a little bit. “Love finds a way?” He repeats, the hint of a laugh in his tone. “What are you saying? Are you the one with the secret girlfriend?”

“What? No! No no no.” He breaks into laughter again. “No George. If you can't get a girlfriend right now I  _ definitely  _ can’t. I don't really talk to anyone regularly outside of you, Sapnap, Bad, and my family.” 

“Oh come on, it's not like you couldn't get a girlfriend if you wanted to.” It's the truth. Clay was… magnetic. Charming. Probably attractive. Even thinking about the fact that this man could be hot on top of all his other attractive qualities made him irrationally frustrated. How could one person be so perfect?

“Pfft. Shut up.” He’s quiet for a second, only the sound of his mechanical keyboard coming through his mic. “I don't know. I don't know if I even want a girlfriend right now. Things are fucking crazy with how much everything has grown so I'm almost always busy, and like you said, it's hard meeting people. I don't think I have the energy to build that kind of relationship with someone new.”

_ Someone new? _ George hates the spark of hope that gives him. It only lasts for one fleeting moment before he smothers it himself, reminding himself that this is Clay. His friend. His coworker. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

“Thanks for the ego boost though Georgie.” He chuckles. “If I didn't know better I'd think you were looking for an opening.”

George can feel himself flush immediately and he sputters for a second before he can mumble a quiet “Shut up.” Clay laughs loud and bright into his microphone and George just rolls his eyes. “You're so stupid.”

They fall back into a semi-comfortable silence for a little bit and George tries his best to let himself ease back in rhythm of coding, praying that it'll derail his train of thought. He wants to focus. Wants to get this done. It’s an easy task, honestly. Clay was pretty good at coding now, but George was better, and he knew this project shouldn’t take him more than a few hours, but it seems to be escaping him entirely. 

It takes him a bit longer and a good amount of frustration, but eventually he does manage to focus and start making good time on getting the program done. He and Dream chat mindlessly in intervals, talking about nothing. Sapnap pops into Clay’s room at one point, and it’s still weird to George that they’re actually living together now. He’s jealous, he won’t deny it.

After a few hours, Clay announces his need for sleep and suddenly George realizes how tired he is as well (when is he not tired?). They agree to call it a night and pick it back up later.

  
  


“Goodnight George.”

“Goodnight Dream.”

  
  


There's a long moment of silence after the call ends where he just sits there, stares blankly at the lines of code on his screen. After a second he sighs heavily and leans back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face.

This was dangerous. He can feel himself teetering on the edge of something extreme with very little control over anything. 

Half of him wants to pull away completely, to stop talking to Clay altogether and move on with his life without the risk of ruining… something.

But the other half of him wants to run into this headfirst without care for what the repercussions might be. 

Realistically he knows he can't do either, which makes it that much more frustrating and difficult. He can’t just dip out of Clay’s life when he is his best friend and also coworker in a sense, and he also can't trust himself to keep these feelings completely contained without something happening.

Foolishly, he decides that this is a problem to address tomorrow, and tells himself to shelf the feelings for now and get a decent amount of sleep (even though it’s nearing 9 AM). So he moves the short distance from his desk to his bed and collapses into it, pulling the covers up to his chin and promptly ignoring the way Clay’s laugh replays in his mind and fills him with a sense of ease as he drifts off to sleep.


End file.
